I started this blog primarily as a writing exercise.
This post was hard for me to put together, because I had to admit to myself that I'm no longer a writer. I used to be a writer; when I was in junior high and even younger I used to write constantly. Stories, journal entries, plays, it didn't matter. Around 9th grade I discovered poetry. Actually, that's not entirely true. I think my interest in poetry started with Dr. Seuss. I kept writing throughout high school, because I enjoyed it, felt I was good at it, and it satisfied that deep psychological need we all have to express ourselves. My writing style at that time may not have been very sophisticated or mature, but I was passionate and it felt good.
Then came college, where I majored in English, and found myself doing more assigned writing than I had ever imagined. I learned how to dissect a poem to its very elements of scansion and rhyme. I learned how to read with a critical eye. Sure, I had a lot of fun in college, and learned a lot about writing and how to do it, but it really robbed me of my desire to create writing myself. I found that I could no longer read my stuff objectively, I couldn't handle writing anything that wasn't perfect and didn't meet my own newfound criteria for excellence. And I discovered that I probably wouldn't be able to make a living solely by writing, at least not right away.
So eventually I stopped. Life happened, I became an "adult," I got married, got a job, made money, and had a baby. All along I still considered myself a writer, and kept promising myself I would start writing again soon. And finally, I did. Only to realize that I don't know how to write anymore. The words I want don't come to me the way they used to. I have a hard time describing the simplest things, like the way an apple tastes or the way a sunset looks. I'm not a writer. But I hope to be one again someday, and so I'm starting this blog as part of this larger goal. I always felt like I had talent as a writer, but maybe I was good at it just because I did it so much. Either way, I hope to get back to the euphoria I used to feel when I produced something that, to me at least, was good and satisfying.
The scariest thing for me is to allow other people to read my writing as I go through this process. But I think it's essential. And so, here I am. As Ray Bradbury wrote, "The trick is: knowing how to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out."
3 comments:
Hey Chippo, just read the post where you claimed you aren't a writer. I'll bite, you can say you aren't a writer and now feel an obligation to create something on a blank canvas, with new tools, from a different experience set and bearing yourself to the anonymous me. Maybe I am your only reader, maybe not.But writing ain't what it used to be. And it wasn't what it used to be when you were younger to the adults around you. See, time changes and the world changes but the expression doesn't. So the when changes. The how changes. The who, what, where changes. But the WHY lives on, inside you. A good friend saw me nervous about a big event a few weeks ago and gave me wise advise that served me well, the event exceeded my wildest dreams. She said - "The mark of excellence is not being perfect". Have fun with the blog...
Hey Cass - it's Mags. You know, I never stopped thinking of you as a writer, even if you thought you weren't for a while. It's sort of like I have lots of hobbies, but I never do them, because all I do is school. So if someone asks me what I do in my spare time, the true answer would be I sprawl out on the couch and eat ice cream and watch TV. But I think people really are asking what I would do if I had more time. And then the answer would be different.
This second thought has nothing to do with this page, but it's something I wanted to ask you about for a while.
You know the Ella song "A Tisket a tasket" - I was listening to it the other day, and it occured to me that she's not talking about a basket. I think she's talking about a man. She was careless with it, and other girl picked it up, and now she's sad adn wants it back again...well, it was a thought.
Love - Mags
Ah, thanks Mags! Lovely to hear from you. I must go listen to "A Tisket a Tasket" again...I have a "sequel" version of the song as well, in which she finds her yellow basket. Which goes well with your theory, I think. Also, I've been trying like mad to find a copy of "Don't Let the Door Hit you going out" by Ella. Any suggestions?
Post a Comment